Trusting Love
Trusting Love
Trust is like the lock of a cage around my heart. You can rattle it and make it shake to the
core. Battering its fallen and fortified
walls, the dark bars reflect its glistening light. Knocking your knuckles against its sharp
edges, the pierce of cold metal ripples through your skin- yet it doesn’t quite
hit the nerve. But then, out of nowhere, like a sledgehammer to the ground, you
crash into me going a million miles a minute.
I tremble in fear as the expulsion of myself begins to quiver. For now
that the door has been ripped open, the lock can never be unseen for what it
has become. Dangling by the thread of a
cord, its small frame slowly swings open.
Reaching into the cage that surrounds me, you eagerly search
for my hand. Kids playing hide and seek,
yet not wanting to be found, I stumble back into the dark corners where no one
can see me. The real me. I shrink myself into a shrink a dink size and
place my hands over my eyes as if then they can’t see me. But they come closer; their footprints begin
to search the small space in anticipation of my beating heart. And as my heart beats rapidly inside of my
chest, I feel as if I will explode. That
they must hear the throbbing as vividly as it is in my head.
Grasping the edge of my frail and worn toes, they gently
extend a hand. A hand that tries to make
me forget all of the shaking they have just done to the cages surrounding
me. A hand that is covered in scars-
scars that look really similar to those engulfing my body. So on a limb, I ever so carefully extend mine
and they intertwine like keys in a lock, the lock that has now been broken off
my cage completely as we begin to dance.
Clinging to their hands, I am timid at first. I wonder if they can hear my heartbeat in
their fingertips that gently caress my small frame. Spinning me from one side of the dungeon to
the other, I pause.
Ripping my hand from their embrace, I look out through the
barriers of this battlefield. I see into
the chaos and the problems that will surely arise; the fear of the unknown and
the mysteries that I simply can’t imagine in my mind. But as my thoughts begin to spiral and I
almost hit the floor, I am shocked to find them beside me, gently catching me
in their arms. Turning me to face them
and readjusting my hands in theirs, I am pulled close to their heart that
trusts me, and let go of everything holding me back from being vulnerable with
theirs.
Facing the monstrous walls around us, we begin to make our
way in strides. Hand-in-hand,
arm-in-arm, they whisk me away from side to side. And before my mind begins to wander, before
it starts to overthink if this is safe, if this is right, if I can predict the
stability of this love, it is as if they hear my mind. For in the sweetest sound I’ve ever found, I
hear, “My darling I’m by your side. I’ll
never leave you, but I’ll always love you and that’s enough to break down all
your walls inside.”
And like the flip of a switch, I see the lock fall and I
begin to feel something inside, the freeing of a weary spirit letting go and
finally choosing to come alive.
