It is OKAY to lose yourself
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| (Photo Credit Belongs to Photographer: Amber Nicole Ginter) |
I remember a
time in my life when I lost myself. Who
I was. What I enjoyed doing. How I
entertained myself. Where I could be
found. Who I saw and valued through the
girl looking back at me with tear-stained eyes and a scattered, yet shattered
perception of what I’d become.
This was a time
of my life that today, I would not coin as treasured and favorite moment. In fact, my favorite way to recall its series
of unfortunate events is not at all, often held at the deepest back of my mind
and blackest hole of my insecurities. It
was a time where I allowed others views of who I was, to morph into all I cared
about. A time where what I enjoyed doing
revolved around guys I wanted to impress, or friends I wanted to make (beg for). One where my entertainment and location
became less about being healthy and having fun, and more about isolation,
counting numbers, obsession, and anything but strong.
And although I
am certainly not proud of these moments, as I look back on them now, I do know
what I have learned, what I will not ever again repeat, and that since the past
is in the past, I will no longer allow it to define me.
Because in all
candor, it is 100% okay to have a period of time where you lose yourself. Let me state that again. It is okay to lose yourself. BUT,
it is not okay to stay there. In other
words, it is okay to lose yourself, just don’t let your residency take place
there.
Throughout the
periods of my life where I felt the most lost, I also felt the furthest away
from God. Not instantly of course, but
slowly, over time, I became unhappy with who I had become, and what I had
transformed into. And why? Because one, I was not happy, two, I was not
being myself, and three, I was not living and embodying the life that Christ
had called me to. And as sad as that
sounds, I just wasn’t.
For in a
brilliant quote that I once heard, and love, “she understood that the hardest
times in life to go through were when you were transitioning from one version
of yourself to another” (Sarah Addison Allen).
After all, maybe the best way to find yourself is to lose yourself, so
that when you find those deeply loved and core roots of yourself hidden inside
your soul, they will come out stronger than they ever had before,
Wherever you
are, whatever you are doing, whoever you are trying to become, know that losing
yourself isn’t the end of the world.
Sure, it isn’t the most pleasurable time of your life, but I guarantee
that once you defeat this identity battle, you will be able to face anything
this crazy life may throw at you. It
isn’t too late, you aren’t too far gone, and that you that’s been missing for a
while is still inside of you, just waiting to be found.
We all lose ourselves once in a
while-obtaining hobbies to try and impress others, collecting new diet facades
and exercise programs to feed the beauty image demons inside of us, and running
the race of life without a care as to if we are living up to the calling Christ
has called us to. But no matter the
situation, deed, obsession, or habits, realize that these things aren’t the
real you. Only you and God know the real
you, after it has been falsely hidden by deception for a period.
So, it is time
you let the lost be found, and allow God to heal your need for what caused you
to become lost in the first place.
Allow others to
see the real you, even if it doesn’t match their standards… because does their
opinion really matter anyways?
Let them see
who you were created to become… because God’s plan for you is brighter than
anything you could ever ask or image.
And above all,
just press on towards the journey of relocating your lost self… because it will
not be easy, after all, it is a process, but love yourself enough to seek the
you that God created you to be.
It is OKAY to lose
yourself, but it is never okay to let your residency take place there.
Agape, Amber
