Guarded Heart
Guarded Heart
I think for a long time, my conception of love has been
skewed. It has been distorted by the
lack of “love” from those around me and twisted into what I thought it was supposed to be or feel
like. What started out as a wound, then
lead me to create a vow that I promised I would never let happen again. “I am not going to like anyone again until
___.” “I am going to guard my heart because I don’t want to get hurt.” “They couldn’t possibly like me; therefore, I
am not going to share my feelings.” And sadly, I started to not only protect
myself from other people and their love but God and His. I began to think, “Surely I can guard my
heart that this won’t happen,” “Surely I will avoid love at all costs because
the risk isn’t worth it even though they tell me it is,” but in reality, I was
only guarding my heart against God, and didn’t He take the ultimate risk of
love when He died on the cross for me?
Because you see, when you have a veil in your life like a
wound, it easily creates a vow that then lacks trusting God because you are
focused on trying to protect yourself.
Yet, instead of doing yourself any good, you end up creating a lot of
harm in retaliation for the love that God has for you. When I believe that “no one will ever like me,”
for instance, this creates the lie in my mind that if no human could ever want
me, then why would a perfect God? The
same goes for how we view ourselves, and the love that we think we deserve. If I keep
on praying that God will bring me the right person at the right time but never
allow Him to break my guard down, I can’t expect ever to meet him. How can I meet him, when I don’t allow Him
who created my heart to see it with full-blown insecurities, and broken-down
guards? Exactly, I can’t.
Even though I don’t want to, I am choosing to love. Even though it scares me head-over-heels to
know that I could be hurt again, I realize that being guarded and closed-off to
all possibilities of love is not healthy.
Will my heart be broken again? Probably. Will the first relationship I get into work out? Possibly,
but there is always a risk. But you
know what, it is a risk worth taking.
And why? Because when Christ died
on the cross for you and me, He did knowing that we might never love Him back,
and to this day, some people still don’t.
He didn’t have a guarded heart or put up walls that blocked people from
seeing His view. No, instead he went to
those who were the most unlovable and loved them anyway. To the prostitute, tax collector’s, Pharisees,
and even scoffers, He said, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they
are doing.” Hanging from a cross, He saw love not for what it felt like, looked like, or was even experienced, but what it should be. A love that was not guarded, but one that was
stripped down, broken, bloodied and disfigured.
It saw the best interest at heart, and never once thought, “What about
me?” It was sacred, not scared, holy, not self-seeking, sacrificial, not
conceited, forgiving, not condemning, open, not closed, vulnerable, not hidden,
real, not a show, thoughtful, but not naïve.
In Proverbs 4:23, we read, “Above all else, guard your
heart, for everything you do flows from it” (Proverbs 4:23, ERV), but we do not
read, “guard your heart against love and fail to trust God” in the
process. When the Scriptures tell us to “guard
our hearts,” it merely means that we need to be careful about how we think, because what we think becomes what we do, and how we live. If we are
always thinking negatively about ourselves and the love we deserve, we are more
subject to accept abuse (even from ourselves) because it is what we have
trained ourselves to believe. In fact,
this even gives the Devil a foothold as we bash ourselves and don’t believe in
the true love that Christ has already placed within us. Thus, if we want to find love someday, and
more importantly give it to others, we need first to recognize what true love
is, and second, understand that we deserve it.
When we allow our hearts to be tainted by the love that we “think” we deserve as opposed to what it
is, this creates a wonky picture of what we begin to believe about ourselves
and accept from others. Even today, I
still have a difficult time with this concept, with believing that someone
could want and choose to love me with all of my flaws, but I am learning to
realize that the root of the problem is not finding “right love” but recognizing
the fullness of His love that He has already given me.
1 John 4:18-19 states that we can only love, “because He
first loved us” and that “perfect love casts out all fear.” But if I am fearful of falling in love because
of getting hurt, then that not only fails to trust God but refutes the truth
that His perfect love is enough to cover all our human flaws. Of course, human love is fallen and not
perfect, but it rests on the solid foundation of Christ and His Agape love that
we will never entirely be able to comprehend.
The true love of God is unlike anything we could ever
imagine, but if we keep our heart’s guarded, He won’t intrude His access. Yes, it is okay to “guard” your heart in a
sense of what you believe about yourself and others regarding thoughts and deeds,
but it is not okay to “guard” it so that the King of your heart can never gain
entry because you are too terrified to let your hair down that will be used to
reach you. Yet, I promise you, once you
do, once you let that hair down and allow Him entry, He will love your heart
like it’s never been loved before.
Through prayer, intimate studies of Scripture, and growth in your
personal relationship with Him, He will begin to show you how to lower your
guard. It may not be easy, in fact, it
will probably scare you as much as going a week without granola scares me, but
in the end, it will be worth it.
Only after you have accepted the truth of God’s love, can
you then begin to understand what you deserve in any earthly relationship. Rather it is friendship or romance, the love
that we justify is the love that God desires
for us to experience. Believe it or not,
God does not want you to go through heartbreak, even though you do. He does not want you to feel what if felt
like to die for people in love, only to have them hate you. He
does not want you to accept the love you think
you deserve, He wants you to live like you’re already fully loved,
treasured, and accepted because you are.
A beautiful quote I once read in The Perks of Being A Wallflower states, “You accept the love you
think you deserve” and this couldn’t be truer, however, what is even more poignant
is the fact that you are the love you
think you deserve. Love is not simply a
feeling, though butterflies are nice every once and a while. In fact, love isn’t even the emotions we
spawn and create them to be like spiders crafting their intricate webs. Pure and intimate Christian love of all kinds
is a lifestyle that is selfless and giving.
It says, “even though I am single, I will love my friends who are in
relationships” rather than sulk in my sadness.
It says, “rather I am empty or full, Christ and His love is enough”
instead of focusing on our problems.
Love screams at the top of its lungs for us that, “you are worth it,
even if it feels like you aren’t.” For
our relationship with Christ and the free love that He gives to us does not
change with the shifting of our emotions, circumstances, and easily toyed with
hearts, but remains constant, faithful, and passionate, always enduring the
fire. God’s love is unconditional and
the furthest thing from guarded. After
all, do you really think a man hanging on a tree was one to possess a
restrained heart? Of course not, so why
would I want to retain one?
Many in the past have treated being guarded as if it were a
sin, and if I am being honest, I would say that it isn’t. However, what proves to be the root of the
problem here is taking this “guard of your heart” so far, that you stop seeking
and trusting God in the process. But you
know what the truth is? Love is for everyone,
even those who have broken that heart.
Love is forgiving seven times seventy-seven times over and over
again. Love is reckless, pure, holy, God-honoring,
and prosperous. Love is created by God and
is He Himself who never once chose to guard His heart so high that He couldn’t submit
to the requests of the Father.
No, the God I serve,
and love is one who humbly lowered His guard so that I and all of my messy love
could ruin the perfection of His. So
yes, I might be guarding my heart and protecting its purity, but I am no longer
restraining it from what He is trying to teach me in these moments. “Here’s my heart Lord, take and seal it, seal
it for thy courts above.”
Let your guard down
and trust Him who formed your heart to take care of it. Sometimes, the best lessons in life come from
the broken walls and not the ones we as man build up to try and protect ourselves.
