Loneliness, Longing, and the Single Christian Girl
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| (Photo Credit Belongs To Photographer: Amber Nicole Ginter. Yes, this is my fabulous artistic skills. Just stunning, I know) |
I once wrote a post entitled “Typical Single Christian White Girl Selfie” around
this time last year when I was struggling a lot with getting over a lost
crush. However, now that I am much over
that failed relationship, I am finding that this season of singleness,
especially including the loneliness and longing are beginning to stir in my
heart yet again.
But Why?
Why am I longing for friends, friendships, and relationships that I
desperately want to hang out with when Christ alone is supposed to fill these
voids in my heart? That having Him fill
my loneliness is where I should find my contentment. For I know indeed that I have a personal
relationship with Jesus Christ in my heart, soul, and being, and that no love
in this world will ever measure up or compare to Him. In fact, we are told to not compare human
love to that of His because His is so much greater. But why these feelings? I feel like a bad person for wanting someone
more, yet Christ tells us in Genesis that He created Eve to be a helpmate for
Adam. Someone to love and comfort,
although that love never could be or compare to that of Christ’s. But it still exists doesn’t it?
Married couples of fifty and seventy five years are prominent. Young lovers gaze at each other on first
dates contemplating if he or she could really be “the one”. This little fact indeed is that crucial thing
that I was missing.
In having a recent conversation with my Dad, I asked him why I was
feeling this way when Christ was to be enough for me. Why I longed in my heart to have someone to
love and care for and hang out with, even if it was just as friends. Why I felt so terrible for wanting these
things, and that although I knew they weren’t a sin, I still felt wrong. And that’s when he told me these simple truths. Some things that really eased my mind and
more importantly, reassured my longing heart.
1)
First and Foremost, it is not
wrong to feel in your heart a strong desire to
pursue relationships and or friendships with new people. And more importantly, if you already know Jesus
Christ as you Lord and Savior and have a personal relationship with Him, these
feelings are not a sin (***Unless these are sexual desires in an inappropriate
manner, then that would be lust, but in my case, I am just referring to the
longing of relationships (any sort; friends/ boyfriends).
·
God created us to get along with and be with other people. In a
world with a population of over seven billion people, it is no wonder that we
crave intimate and personal relationships with other people. To get to know them and who they are. What they like to do and who Christ created
them to be. This you see, is where the longing
begins.
·
As mentioned earlier, one must first find their full contentment in Christ, before they are ready for a relationship; otherwise, they
will always be longing for mere men, when Christ is the only one who can truly
fulfill their needs. Once this
contentment is then found, as mentioned in Genesis 2:18-22 (“18Then the Lord
God said, “I see that it is not good for the man to be alone. I will make the
companion he needs, one just right for him.”
19The Lord God used dust from the ground and made every animal in the
fields and every bird in the air. He brought all these animals to the man, and
the man gave them all a name. 20The man gave names to all the tame animals, to
all the birds in the air, and to all the wild animals. He saw many animals and
birds, but he could not find a companion that was right for him. 21So the Lord
God caused the man to sleep very deeply. While he was asleep, God took one of
the ribs from the man’s body. Then he closed the man’s skin where the rib had
been. 22The Lord God used the rib from the man to make a woman. Then he brought
the woman to the man”) (Genesis 2:18-22, ERV), we see next that Christ also
created someone for Adam to be with.
This instills in us that relationships (of all sorts) are just a part of
God’s master plan.
·
We need
each other to survive, just as plants need water, oxygen and
sunlight. But with this, of course comes times of pruning, drought and drowning. It is hence important to note here that although
these relationships are a part of God’s plans, they will not always solve all
of your problems, make you happy, or be pleasant. Some friendships/ relationships are simply
made to be learned from and nothing more, while others will turn into lifelong friendships
and meaningful, romantic relationships. This, we must be content in; knowing that God
knows all and that He will provide who we need, when we need it, but in His
time and not that of our own.
2)
We must be content in ourselves
and with Christ, before we long for others.
·
Now, to be honest, I contemplated putting this in here and how to
word it, but I found it important to explain.
Just because we must be content in ourselves and with Christ doesn’t
mean that we won’t
long for others. After all, we just explored in point one that longing is a normal
human trait and part of life. However,
what I mean here is this: We must be 100% madly in love with and pursuing of
Jesus Christ before we want to share that love with others. We must constantly keep on pursuing Him as a constant pursuit even as we pursue and long for others. The two need to be complimentary of each
other.
·
Think of it like this. As your
love for Christ >
or grows and grows (never ending), so will your love for others in pursuing
relationships with people >. Don’t let your perusal of longing for others
outweigh your longing for Christ because in the end of it all, He is the one
who will love you/loves you unconditionally and guides the purpose to your
life.
·
I once heard a quote that said this: “If we can’t at least love
ourselves for who were are, then how can we expect others to do the same?” Exactly, we can’t. The same goes for
longing. If we can’t at least love God
for who He is, then how can we expect to love others in a way that will fully
satisfy us? Bingo, we can’t. It is only again when we love Christ
first, that this love will be made complete.
3)
Once we have realized that longing for others is not
wrong, and our contentment in self and Christ must be achieved first, we are
now ready to dissect point three: God designed marriage, but only for when He knew we were ready.
·
In Jefferson Bethke’s YouTube collection, I once heard the cunning
statement similar to this, “Dating without intent to marry is like going to the
grocery store without buying anything”.
I mean who does that? I don’t know about you, but definitely not
me. I can always use another box of
granola (ha-ha), but jokes aside, it is awesome to know that Christ designed marriage
(YAS, I know I’m normal for longing) for us, BUT, it must be in His
specific realms of time. After all, God
is a powerful God, and He has wonderful plans for us, so doesn’t He know what
we need and when we need it? Of course He does! So why can’t we let that be
enough?
·
As we prepare for our next, first, or even new relationships and
friendships, we must keep this tidbit in mind.
God’s timing will prevail even if it is not when, or who, or what we
thought. Time may even be seen as
something that we either have too much, too little, too long, too short, or “too”
something of, but lucky for us, Christ knows how to give us just the right
amount; supplying our demanding needs.
4)
Prayer is a powerful thing, so as you feel loneliness and
longing, pray in all that you
do.
·
Pray for you future husband, your future friends, boyfriends and
spouse. Pray to become exactly who and what Christ wants you to become.
·
Pray in your times of sadness, crying out in loneliness and
doubt. Pray when you are content, happy,
and loving. No matter what, pray and you
shall receive.
5)
While you are waiting, make your season of singleness or
loneliness in lack of friendships God
honoring and worthwhile.
·
In the book of Proverbs 31:10-31, we
see a list of beautiful traits that Christ encompasses for us as women to
become. Therefore, I strongly encourage
you to get out your Bible and read the entire passage as only a small snippet
of the Scripture here states, “How hard it is to find the perfect wife. She is
worth far more than jewels. Her husband depends on her. He will never be poor.
She does good for her husband all her life. She never causes him trouble”
(Proverbs 31:10-12, ERV).
·
Thus, in reading the entire Scripture, I have included a short list
for you here of all the things Christ encourages us as women to become: precious, valuable (verse 10), complete, confident (verse
11), good and kind (verse 12), hardworking (verse 13), provides (verse 14), skilled
(verse 15), wise,
crafty (verse 16), determined
(verse 17), smart
(verse 18), independent,
strong (verse 19), giving, selfless (verse 20), fearless (verse 21), modest (verse 22), her husband (HIM) is
a man in Christ (verse 23), skilled (again)
(verse 24), joyful,
full of laughter, wise (verses
25-26), cautious
(verse 27), blessed
(verse 28), standouts,
genuine (verse 29), beautiful, fearful
of God (verse 30), and praise worthy
(verse 31). Well, would you look at
that, thirty one traits, for a Proverbs 31 woman ;)
·
“While many pray, “Lord send me a husband or wife”, few pray “Lord prepare
me to be a husband or wife”.
·
So choose to “Love the Lord your God with all of your heart, with
all of your soul, and with all of your strength” (Luke 10:27). If our purpose
in life is focused on loving God more and learning more about Him, to reflect
His glory and bring others to Him, this will make our newfound relationships
with others even better. The more we love Him,
the more we will be prepared to love others.
·
And because we were created to love, these seasons can be confusing and definitely
lonely, but when we set our sights on the Lord and constantly connect
with Him, this gnawing at our souls will slowly morph into a healing process
that restores us into beautiful women of Christ (and men for those of you
reading!); ready for the ultimate love story that He has in plan.
·
In your years of singleness or lack of friendships, take this time
to reflect and
grow. To grow as an
individual, who learns to love themselves and as a Godly woman, eager to serve
and become more like Christ. Pursue helping yourself, your talents, your
calling and ultimately God. Once these
seasons are gone, they are gone, so rest in what God wants you to learn from
them.
·
Be patient as Isaiah 60:22 quotes, and rest in His promises as they
never ever fail. For the wait may seem
long, but it will always be worth it.
For Philippians 4:11 states, “I am telling you
this, not because I need something. I
have learned to be satisfied with what I have and with whatever happens”.
·
Prepare yourself for these future friendships by becoming the best
you can be; physically, spiritually, mentally, and socially. In an awesome Relationship Prayer I found on Pinterest even states, “Jesus,
help us know when to pursue, when to back down, when to let go,
when to open up,
when to share,
when to listen,
when to release,
when to love well,
when to forgive,
when to give up
bitterness, when to humble ourselves, when to stand up, when to pray. We give you Every. Single. One. Of our
relationships- the awesome ones, the ones that drain, the ones conflicted, the ones confusing,
the ones stumbling
back, the ones familiar, the ones filled with addictions, the ones far from Jesus,
the ones of many
years, the ones of a few weeks, the ones online, the ones in person. Help us love well, release well, speak well,
and listen exceedingly well. Amen. “
Let God turn your loneliness…. Into solitude,
Your longing … Into contentment,
And YOU,
the Single Christian Girl … Into a beautiful Woman of Christ, just thirsting to
give all she has for Him.
~ Agape, Amber
