I am Complete in You If I am being completely honest with you, as in no sugar and spice and everything nice sprinkled on top to cover the vulnerabilities, I wish that I could tell you it gets better. That someday, you will wake up with sunshine streaming in on your cheeks, a heart expanding with more love than you’ve ever felt, and the giggles that just won’t stop rolling until you fall off your bed and knock that noggin of yours on the floor. But if I were to tell you those things, I wouldn’t be portraying the candor, because in all sincerity it won’t ever be like that. It won’t be like a switch that magically turns on to illuminate the darkness, or a shift in character that happens overnight. Nor will it be something that you are able to fully control or gain superiority over, and as much as that pains me to admit, know that though it may not necessarily get better, our God who loves us eternally will remain the same. So, what exactly...
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The Unexpected Awaits You (Our entire group posing for a nice smile before our departure! Definitely missing these new friends already) Just a little over two weeks ago, I was given the opportunity to attend a mission trip with my college. Heading to Indianapolis, Indiana to work with an organization called Shepherd Community on the 46201 Zip Code Project, OCU student’s as well as those from the Church on Como were met with an abundance of unexpected twists and turns along the way. Riding up separately to meet the team because of a previous Church commitment, I was nervous to say the least about arriving and being welcomed by the already established group of friends and family. Only knowing about five people out of the thirty that were attending, my heart trembled, and my stomach churned, as my eyes scanned the room for familiar faces. But familiar you see, isn’t always what God wants, and nor is the expected, so when I received word that th...
Depression. (Photo Credit Belongs to Photographer: Amber Nicole Ginter, and Artist Kasandra Dalton) It hits like a tidal wave sweeping over your head. It comes out of nowhere so like a girl lost out at sea little do people see you are drowning beneath the bobbing of your frantically swimming limbs. And that as much as you try, and push, and dive, and squirm, your exhausted body just can’t seem to stand against the tides rolling over you. Like a ragdoll you grow limp. A wet noodle in the pool that has lost all fight against the child holding onto it so tightly, you remain stagnant. For as the thoughts, or maybe lack of thoughts that fill your mind grow restless, you wonder if this tunnel of darkness will ever lead to the light on the other side. At least that’s how depression has been for me the past few days, and to be honest, I don’t really understand why. College is on break although I do have a few classes over the s...
Someday (Photo Credit Belongs to Photographer: "Someday I'll be able to see me for me, but until then, someday") Someday, I'll be able to look into the mirror and smile at what l see. I'll be able to point out my beauties rather than my fatal and accidental flaws . To think that this is a beautiful woman, with a sketched set of eyes and ears loved by an even more magnificent God. Someday, I'll stop being this OCD, plannerized insane being that people know from miles away has a color-coded binder of any and every subject you could ever need. I'll stop caring so much about my I's being dotted and my T's being crossed and start caring about carefree living, because isn't that what life is really all about? Someday, I'll learn to understand that there is purpose behind every tear I cry and every pain I feel. I'll grow to mature and comprehend that just because I haven't found the right guy yet doesn't m...
Demon’s Inside Sometimes, I feel like there are these little voices inside of my head. They whisper to me right after I’ve worked out and realize that I still don’t have a six pack, or a super tiny waist. They whisper to me when I go to dance class and see that I am a good three inches shorter than all the 5’9” girls in there. They whisper to me in the clothing stores when I realize that I can no longer wear a 000 (like who even knew sizes could come that small). But you know what they don’t do? They don’t tell me that I work my butt off to try to have a six pack every single day. That I love to work out because I am working on bettering myself. They don’t tell me that I am beautiful the way God made me and that if 5’6” is the tallest I will ever get it is okay. They don’t tell me that most of the girls who can fit into that 000 size are starving themselves for the worth of a size on a price ticket. And that when I was tha...
The Prince Charming Complex (Photo Credits Belong to Photographer: Amber Ginter. Yes this is my parents, because my love-life is nonexistent and rather than show you no picture at all, you get this lovely gem of them. Insert the "Awww") When I was about fourteen years old, I began constructing a list of what I wanted to find in a future boyfriend/ husband. I diligently read my Bible and what it said about finding this type of person, as I created my own qualifications. Taller than me, can play piano/ guitar, can sing, brown hair, funny, romantic, kind, loves Jesus more than he loves me, enjoys running, working out, dogs, etc., the list went on and on. And at the time, I didn't see anything wrong with this list. In fact, I was sure that I would date or marry someone that embodied these characteristics. But then, I grew up. I reached ages fifteen, sixteen, and seventeen without finding this person, let alone dating them. And slowly, God began to reveal t...
It is OKAY to lose yourself (Photo Credit Belongs to Photographer: Amber Nicole Ginter) I remember a time in my life when I lost myself. Who I was. What I enjoyed doing. How I entertained myself. Where I could be found. Who I saw and valued through the girl looking back at me with tear-stained eyes and a scattered, yet shattered perception of what I’d become. This was a time of my life that today, I would not coin as treasured and favorite moment. In fact, my favorite way to recall its series of unfortunate events is not at all, often held at the deepest back of my mind and blackest hole of my insecurities. It was a time where I allowed others views of who I was, to morph into all I cared about. A time where what I enjoyed doing revolved around guys I wanted to impress, or friends I wanted to make (beg for). One where my entertainment and location became less about being healthy and having fun, and more about isolati...